well I am almost 11 weeks prego. It is truely the oddest thing to go through. My emotions are crazy which I don't like. And I'm super scared all the time of what kind of life I am going to be able to give the kid. But shit happens and you have to take care of your mistakes not that this is a mistake but its not the ideal situation to bring a child  in this fucked up world.

But I am glad it was with my boyfriend dustin ever since the fucked up relationships we put each other through last year. He has been amazing. I guess sometimes heart ache and loss has to happen to make two realize everyone eles is douche bags and you two are amazing together.

Today alot has bothered me with everything that has happened in my life with old friends who are fucked up people. And people whom I am friends with know who still puts themselves around those people. But hey they will know in the end what kind of people they really are.

And thinking about ex boyfriends and how I feel so sick to myself that I actually for a second put myself around those kind of people who has a fucked up look on life and can fuck over people left and right. But I know just like always those douche bags will get. Probably go back to there small town where they came from and live in their little bubble hitting on 15 yr olds. For this I am so happy for myself for getting away from people like that.

But back to my amazing boyfriend he has went beyond amazing with all of this. I think now we are excited about having this baby. we have names picked out and planning the future. I am glad it is with him he is everything and more for me. He has changed so much for the better and so have I. He is great and I love him more than everything.

As of me I am sick alot and emotional and just in all of it. I need to get rid of alot of old ghost and totally block my mind from alot of shit that happened last year. Alot of it has. But I still have grudges and feelings left in 2009 against family and friends.

But I am going to be a mom and I am a adult  I have control of my own life and I can only change things. So no more living in the past. At the end of the day I have a amazing guy and a good out look on things.

Monday is my first obgyn appointment and I get to see the baby and hopefully everything is ok. I just hope everyone and I mean family wise is somewhat excited or happy about the baby and maybe we could stop being treated like 15 yr olds that just had sex and got pregnant. we are adults and have been together for over 3 yrs. It's life so I am going to live it and try not think bad about anything .


ugh life. it throws you surprises all the time what you choose to do with them is up to you.