Liars

I hate Liars More than anything In this world . I'm not saying I have never lied I have. But Not about stupid things there is no need to lie about. Makes me sick because that person thinks your so stupid to believe what there saying. But you are stupid because you don't say anything in fear of fighting. Also I hate always being the one who is always reminded of how no body wants to be around the reason they run away. When all I ever do is try to help. I'm not perfect I get mad angry and bored. Nobody understands the shit I go through or think about. I am down on myself 24/7 it seems like I don't want pity I just want to be understood I want to be the person you don't have to lie to. I wanna be the person you think is amazing and want to talk to all the time and not the reason you wanna run away. I try so hard. I don't want to be someone you think is nothing does nothing. But I am. I tried so hard this week to do what is best do to right by everyone but still I can hear in their voice in their looks I am still a bother a worry a nothing taking up room in their life.

I can't do anything or say anything express how I feel without being called dramatic or stupid. I can't say anything or it will be used against me. Everything I do is wrong or bad.

I wanna be enough for everyone. But I never am. There is always someone better . Someone is always better. All my life I have search for being someone who is better who is enough for someone but I won't find it. There will always be someone eles something eles worth looking away from me. If I could only search in myself and find some thing worth liking.But I have nothing I only look inside and find love for others. My life is to love others and take care of them every way I know how. I have been searching for the love of people and everywhere I look I find disappointments. Or I find none in them but they find it in me. When is the its going to be ok start. when can I look in at myself and be happy. when does the worry end. When can I look into the eyes of the people I love and see in their eyes that they love everything about me and I am enough. I don't know. But I will go on loving the people in my life with everything I am. I am so afraid of losing these amazing people in my life. I have lost myself. This is all I know. All I ask who ever is out there God or some other nature of someone to listen or help is to be enough for the ones I love for them never to doubt my love for me to be the one for them. I want to be beautiful in their mind. So I can finally see that I am a good person and a beautiful person because they see it to. I need someone to help me see I am worth something.


Oh dear friend where are you for a up all night talk. I am on a fucking blog telling the truth of how I feel. what the fuck does that tell you about my life.